Learning to let go: the life skill we rarely talk about

In a society that glorifies perseverance, giving up is often seen as a failure. In this article, life coach Laurence Shukor explains that knowing when to let go can be one of the most enlightened decisions we make.

Perseverance, the supreme value of our time

We live in a culture that values perseverance above almost everything else. We must hold on, never give up, and see our goals through to the end. Success stories celebrate those who have persisted despite obstacles.

But this heroic view of perseverance has a blind spot: it leaves little room for another essential skill, one that is more discreet but just as crucial in adult life, the ability to give up. Giving up is often associated with failure, weakness, or abandonment. Yet in many situations, continuing at all costs can be far more costly than stopping.

The confusion between giving up and failing

In both our personal and professional lives, certain decisions require particular clarity: recognizing that a project no longer makes sense, that a direction is no longer right, or that an ambition belongs to a past version of ourselves.

The problem is not perseverance itself. The problem arises when perseverance becomes a way of avoiding a more difficult decision: that of recognizing that something needs to change. Giving up is not always losing. Sometimes it means accepting that reality has changed and so have we.

The invisible cost of persistence

Holding on to a direction for too long can come at a considerable cost: energy, time, attention, sometimes even mental health. But this cost is often invisible because it accumulates slowly.

The difficulty lies in the fact that giving up also involves a form of mourning. Giving up on an idea, a path, or an ambition means accepting the loss of the possibilities that came with it.

Entrepreneur and author Seth Godin sums up this reality with a particularly apt phrase: “Winners quit all the time. They just quit the right things at the right time.” In other words, success is not only about perseverance, but also about the ability to discern what still deserves our energy and what no longer does.

The quiet courage of discernment

Giving up is not defeat. Sometimes it is the clearest expression of discernment. It takes courage: recognizing that you have taken the wrong direction, accepting to change course, or simply admitting that certain ambitions no longer suit you.

In life transitions, this clarity often becomes a turning point. By freeing up the energy tied up in a project that no longer works, it opens up other possibilities.

What if the real luxury was knowing how to say no? The art of setting boundaries

Choosing also means giving up

A life lived to the fullest is not a life where everything is possible. It is a life where certain directions are taken, precisely because others have been abandoned.

Giving up does not mean giving up on yourself. Sometimes it means stopping pursuing what no longer suits you. And paradoxically, it is often at this moment that space opens up for what really matters.

Laurence Shukor is a certified coach specializing in personal and professional transitions.